It's Patti, the dean’s administrative assistant. “Hi, Unassuming. Glad I caught you before you left. Please hold for Dr. Kimpossible.”
I tense involuntarily as I always do whenever
I see, hear, or have to interact with the dean.
I choke down the bile rising in my throat. A moment passes, and she’s on the line.
“Unassuming, I have a question about a
student who received an incomplete in your Thursday evening section.”
“Yes?”
“Why (unintelligible) she get an incomplete
when (unintelligible)?”
“Kimpossible, I can’t understand what you’re
saying. Could you please take me off
speakerphone?”
“No, I won’t!
You know (unintelligible) that I (unintelligible). Now answer my question!”
“I’d love to.
What was your question?”
Kimpossible switches from speakerphone. Bereft of the speakerphone echo to emphasize her authority she repeats, seemingly through clenched teeth, “Why
did your student Michelle Johansen receive an incomplete grade?”
“Because until an hour ago, I had no idea who
Michelle Johansen was.”
“She was in your class! She says she earned an A! How could you not know who she was?”
“Because Michelle Johansen’s ‘A’ was earned
by Kyounghee Kim.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I just spent the better part of the morning
on phone with Admissions & Records getting to the bottom of this. Kyounghee was naturalized as a citizen a few
months ago. New citizens can adopt a name
different from their birth name.”
I breathe deeply, and continue, tired of reiterating
facts I’d spent the first half of the day grappling with.
“So, Kyounghee became Michelle. Unfortunately, she never told me. She turned in all her work with the name
Kyounghee Kim. When I downloaded the
grade roster I thought there was a database glitch and a mix-up of student ID
numbers. Kyounghee never responded to my emails or phone messages. Since grades were due the next
day and I didn't want to penalize the rest of the class by being late, I gave Michelle the
Mystery Student an incomplete until I could sort things out.”
“You’re blaming A&R for your mistake?” Kimpossible
snaps.
“What?
No, I’m saying the student should have told me to avoid confusion.”
“Now, you’re blaming the student! Don’t you know anything about customer service?”
“Michelle is a student, not a cust—“
“Don’t contradict me! What are you doing to
fix this?”
“I’ve already submitted a grade ch—“
Click. The line goes
dead. I hold the receiver to my ear for
a moment longer, as if expecting it to suddenly crackle back to life in a buzz
of misplaced recriminations and high dudgeon.
I hang up.
Guess I should’ve left the office a minute or two sooner. And there’s no point in hanging around
waiting for the phone to ring again. Especially
since I’m already off contract and not getting paid.
I snap shut my briefcase and head for the
door. Think I’ll celebrate the end of
the semester with a couple of shots of Maker's Mark. It’s a warm feeling to know I’m a free man…at
least for the next thirty-two days.
© 2012 The Unassuming Scholar
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