Please read the syllabus.
I’m sorry you are unwell and can’t make it to
class. Feel better.
No, I don't have a stapler.
You don't know when the research paper is due? Check the announcements section on the LMS. Or consult your syllabus.
Did you miss anything while you were out last week? No, I don't think so. We held a moment of silence to mourn your absence, and then I wasted time for the next three hours. Just like I always do.
Your grandmother passed away last night? I'm very sorry for your...Wait a minute. Didn't your grandmother die the second week of class?
When's the exam? I don't remember offhand. Check the syllabus.
Yes, we are having class Thanksgiving week.
You're going to Acapulco next week for a much needed vacation? That's great, but we're still having the exam. No, you can't make it up.
No, I don't have a stapler. Didn't you hear what I said to the student in front of you?
So, you say the Dean is a family friend, huh? Perhaps she should be more discriminating about who she associates with.
No, I don't have a stapler.
You don't know when the research paper is due? Check the announcements section on the LMS. Or consult your syllabus.
Did you miss anything while you were out last week? No, I don't think so. We held a moment of silence to mourn your absence, and then I wasted time for the next three hours. Just like I always do.
Your grandmother passed away last night? I'm very sorry for your...Wait a minute. Didn't your grandmother die the second week of class?
When's the exam? I don't remember offhand. Check the syllabus.
Yes, we are having class Thanksgiving week.
You're going to Acapulco next week for a much needed vacation? That's great, but we're still having the exam. No, you can't make it up.
No, I don't have a stapler. Didn't you hear what I said to the student in front of you?
So, you say the Dean is a family friend, huh? Perhaps she should be more discriminating about who she associates with.
Your family is coming in early for the
holidays and you have to miss class. Not
my problem.
I'm quite aware that your mom / dad / significant other / dog thinks you're special. I happen to think you're a lazy, entitled oxygen thief and a waste of a valuable classroom seat.
Do I have a stapler? What do I look like, that Milton guy in Office Space?
If you think I'm mean and unfair, just wait until you have a boss.
No, I don't have a goddamn stapler!
Because fuck you, that's why!
I'm quite aware that your mom / dad / significant other / dog thinks you're special. I happen to think you're a lazy, entitled oxygen thief and a waste of a valuable classroom seat.
Do I have a stapler? What do I look like, that Milton guy in Office Space?
If you think I'm mean and unfair, just wait until you have a boss.
No, I don't have a goddamn stapler!
Because fuck you, that's why!
© 2014 The Unassuming Scholar
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