Funny Guy

With apologies to Marty Scorsese

About five minutes into the class discussion, the inevitable happens.

I hear a sharp, loud laugh from the back of the room.  It’s one of my “knowledge explorers,” as the dean insists on calling them.  It appears he’s captivated by a witticism from his seatmate, a pretty young lady whom he’s been courting on the class’ time since the beginning of the term.  Previous warnings have gone unheeded, even after I once made him leave the room after a particularly disruptive outburst.   

The following exchange ensues:

Me: Jeremy, kindly share with the class just what it is you find so amusing?

Student: (smirking)  Uh-h-h-h-h…It’s you?

Me: (unimpressed)  Really?  Tell us about it.

Student: (suddenly anxious)  Uh-h-h-h-h…You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny.

Me: What do you mean I'm funny?

Student: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy.

(laughs nervously)

Me: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?

Student: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, the way you tell the story and everything.

Me: (as silence falls over the classroom)  Funny how? What's funny about it?

Student #2:  Hey, Professor Scholar, no, you got it all wrong.

Me: Uh-uh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?

Student: Jus...

Me: What?

Student: Just... ya know... you're funny.

Me: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little messed up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to freakin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Student: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?

Me: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the flip am I funny, what the frack is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!

Student: (long pause) Aw…Get the flip outta here, Mr. Scholar!

Me: No, Jeremy, you get the flip out of here, ya stuttering prick ya!  Stop interrupting my goddam class!   And take your friggin’ girlfriend with you!   Now, where was I…?  

End vengeful reverie.

Me: Jeremy, settle down.  Believe it or not, there are a few people here who are trying to learn.

Student: (mumbling resentfully)  Sorry…

Perhaps if we’re lucky, we’ll go at least another ten minutes without a significant interruption.  God, I can’t wait until finals…

© 2013 The Unassuming Scholar